To End Without My And

After pausing last week, we continue now with post 4 of 6 in the series of poems and prose that Rara sent to be shared with the Stories community.  Each posting brings us a bit closer to her release from jail…  If you can, and you haven’t already, please donate what you can to the Rara Relief fund.  Every little bit will help her get back on her feet.

We bought an ampersand stamp
At a fruitstand & fair in Nevada.

It was Wednesday, and her name was Wednesday
and I couldn’t resist the charm of the coincidence.

She made custom rubber stamps,
pressed into perfect wooden cubes.  Anything
you could ever want to imperfectly – repeatedly
impress onto paper,
formed in a few hot, citrus-scented minutes.

I blinked at him, wearing his favorite smile
and he heard by mind, and responded.

“There’s a Wednesday every week, and –
it’s probably not even her real name, and –
our names barely ever stay the same,
let alone our address.  So what would we even stamp?”

My smile quivered into a pout
and I walked away from Wednesday
and his unveiling of our
unintentionally – ephemeral existence.

Lost in thought, I weighed the bright lemons
in the next stand, as I measured my
permanence.  Testing all things,
tangy and intangible.

A small wooden cube interrupted my thoughts –
pressed into my hand.  &, it said –

And? I asked.

“I wanted you to know:
even if we only have one thing that is
it is the most important forever-thing.

Wherever we live,

whatever they call us,

it is me & you.

And our and is ‘til the end.”

I squeezed the ‘and’ – discovering it to be solid –
like freshly-picked lemons,
I should have weighed the ‘end’,
knowing I’d one day taste it.

‘And’, it said,
and ‘and’ we were –
‘til the end, but not



26 thoughts on “To End Without My And

  1. Rara, I don’t know what to say to this… how many times have I said that in the last two months? How many times have you? It seems beyond cruel that he was taken from you… There is a shortage of love in the world and it seems wrong that in one of the strongest incidences of it, the universe/fate/whatever decided to break it up too. What happened to the fairytale of happily ever after? What do we have to believe in now…

    Liked by 6 people

  2. This was just beautiful and bittersweet. Your words were so incredibly touching.
    Thinking of you…and offering you comfort, some peace in your heart.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I am going to step lightly as not to stumble or shake anyone’s belief systems.
    I do not comment often on religion or politics for my own personal reasons. (It’s messy, it causes arguments.)

    However, Rara, hun, you know how I speak to you privately. I just cannot wait until you’re home because there are so many things I couldn’t fit in letters. So many things I was scared to put in, in fear of upsetting you & me not being there to console.

    I’ll leave it at this. Some things just don’t make sense – but you can find peace in all of it if you just hold onto us. There’s too many of us here for you to ever feel 100% alone again.
    Don’t be afraid to let us be your strength for a while.

    End? No. And? always…

    Liked by 5 people

  4. And you are still beautiful, we are still supportive and understanding and hurting along with you, though we cannot fathom the depths now and only imagine the heights then. Your work is something, still, Rara.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thank you, Mark. 🙂 I appreciate it. Writing with pen and paper, and no Google or word count was all new for me. I’ve always kept a diary, but I’ve nearly always had a computer, too.

      … Also, thank you for leading the Poblanos through 2014. I was so happy to hear their spice marched on! So what say you about 2015? I hear you were a fabulous Captain Pepper!


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