Today, we’re winning.

This post was due yesterday, but… life.

It was supposed to be one of those quick and easy writing projects with a specific goal. The ones where words tumble out so deliberately and evenly that it almost reads too easily.

It was supposed to tell you to contribute here, to Stories That Must Not Die, because everyone has a story, and even just the simplicity of that idea is what pulls the rest of us through. It was supposed to say that there is a home here– for your strangest, most painful, most complicated, most vague words. And for you.

It’s supposed to explain how, after living a series of dramatic Stories, I have a new appreciation for the strength it takes to tell them, so there will be a space on Rarasaur blog for everyone who contributes here. A page link to all contributors, and a rotating banner image on the site featuring one Story a week. I’m sure others will do the same.

In other words, you will be heard.
And so will your mother, or your best friend who doesn’t have a blog, or the art-only-blogger, and that poet-blogger, and that kitty-blogger, and our youngester-blogger, and even that vlogger fellow.

This is a place for Stories, and their Tellers.
You are welcome by our campfire, no matter how you tell your tale.

I only hesitated because I thought I’d spruce it up, Rara-style, which requires a little one-on-one time at the computer.

I call this Rara-Style. Others call it CrazySauce.

I call this Rara-Style. Others call it CrazySauce.

But then… life.

For those of you who have followed my life, you’re probably imagining Really Big Things, but the truth is– nothing exceptional happened in that ellipses.

But it crippled me anyway.

  • My always-cheerful, wonderfully-positive boss said, “That’s our only problem, we don’t dream big ENOUGH.” And I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me, because I really don’t dream at all. I made a whole blog for a vision board, and it’s basically blank.
  • My cat became sick. In a year of taking care of them on his own, with no resources or help, my husband kept them well. In less than two weeks, I made one sick. I didn’t know what to do, or how to do it– and a constipated cat became the symbol for my entire future.
  • Then I woke up at 6:15am again. Doors pop at 6:15am, for chowtime at the women’s prison. Day 27 of freedom and I’m still counting days and living on their schedule. It may never change.

I may never change:Β  helpless-pointless-me may just putter through life as a dream-constipated free-prisoner forever more.

In which case, does this post even matter?

Then I read my first reader-email of the day:

“You’re always so ON it, so ladylike, so perfect timed. You post so regularly despite everything that happened. It’s like doesn’t even slow you down. I’m nowhere near that strong.”

And it reminded why this place exists.

It’s those damn dots.
We ellipses what should be spoken.

I’m not always on it. Sometimes I call people when they’re trying to give their toddler his much needed sleep. Sometimes I miss deadlines and realize I’m so far behind that I might as well stop moving. Occasionally, I text people details about the state of my cat’s bowel movements. Regularly, I curl up in a ball and let life beat the living dinosaur out of me.
Rara-style.

How I Sometimes Think Others See Me

How I Sometimes Think Others See Me

How I look for at least 3 dots a day.

How I look for at least 3 dots a day.

Life doesn’t just slow me down.
Life pummels me. Bloodies me. Trips me up.

Every day I don’t go extinct, I drop a straw in a caffeinated beverage, and call it a win, because it’s not easy. I don’t sail through it. I’m so-incredibly-not good at everything.

Most days end with me on the floor like the ice cream top that falls out of a cone.

And the only reason I get up again is that I know I’m not the only one, and because there always seems to be a helping hand stretched out at the peripheral of my melted vision.

And because … 5-second rule.

So I’m here to tell you:

Trust us with your story.
Even the small ones.

Share what happens in your three dots.

Tell us what you need so we can be the hand in your peripheral.

And remember that it’s just a Story, and the things we are in those passing three dots are just temporary. They didn’t make us extinct. They probably aren’t even true.

And we certainly won’t let them hold us down.

Put a straw in a caffeinated beverage, reach out your hand to a friend, and count out the three dots and 5-seconds that we survived.

Today, we’re winning.

________________________

Share your story:
https://storiesthatmustnotdie.wordpress.com/share-your-story/

How do you celebrate the survival of a day?

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61 thoughts on “Today, we’re winning.

  1. I tend to use more of a 35 second rule so that I can take my time getting up. I celebrate my wins by running to my room and just being alone for awhile… sounds sad when I read it back but alone time = my time, and I love it.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Not sad at all! Being able to rejuvenate yourself by being with yourself is a wonderful skill. I can manage it sometimes, but often my own mind is the least safe space for me! πŸ™‚

      A 35-Second-Rule sounds a lot more forgiving. πŸ˜€ Smart man.

      Thanks for reading, Sreejit.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I wondered what the straws were for, O Sparkliest one.

    I have no news of galaxies or supernovas for you to swim through, shining, and melted ice-cream is always the arena of something akin to the collywobbles, yet it’s surely, surely to be expected…and utterly explainable for all that.

    Ellipse away, dear heart; we weren’t ever made to be whole. #Kintsugi

    Liked by 4 people

    • Beautiful, and thank you. πŸ™‚ Also, I love the word collywobbles… which I read as cobblywobblies, haha.

      Thank you for always reading my ellipses, even when they don’t come with 700 extra words. *hugs*

      Liked by 1 person

      • No need for 700 extra words. Sometimes three dots is all a person has in them. Which is fine as long as they have people around them who understand all the everythings within those three dots, and with MamaSaur and Mr Jester and Samara, et al, I hope you do πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes I think it’s people who think they have the least control that have the most…why? Because they are not afraid to ask for that helping hand, they aren’t afraid to text a friend about a cat, they aren’t afraid to reach out to others even though they feel they need the most help. So keep on reaching and we’ll keep on meeting you in the middle. ❀

    Liked by 8 people

    • ❀ Thank you, Jackie. I'm ever so grateful that I have so many to reach out to– and wonderfully thankful that there are those who don't mind me popping my hand into their peripheral, too. πŸ™‚ It's a good world to be connected to.

      Like

  4. You made a whole blog for a vision board and it’s basically blank? No! Your blog is far from blank. It is the great starburst of love that is you splattering all over the blogiverse. And I don’t just mean when you’re being kind and thoughtful, and sparkley, and cheerful. I also mean when you’re being serious, and sad, and broken. The world needs you, and it needs you being exactly the way you are. I think the biggest dream any of us could ever have is to accept ourselves exactly as we are. That’s a HUGE dream and you dream it pretty well it seems.
    You are so incredibly good at one thing – being you. Nothing more is required of you. Oh and you’re excellent at getting to the truth of the matter, whatever it may be. And a brilliant writer. And a noodle.
    Alison ❀

    Liked by 7 people

    • “I think the biggest dream any of us could ever have is to accept ourselves exactly as we are. That’s a HUGE dream and you dream it pretty well it seems.” – I never thought of it that way, Alison, but it’s true. I do dream of being exactly as I am, and maybe that’s why I don’t hold onto the other dreams… I already have my arms full! πŸ™‚

      Thank you, πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I remember when I was a cub of two and dropping my ice cream cone was the equivalent of the universe ending. But now that I’ve matured (I’m three-and-a-half, for cryin’ out loud!), something like that happens and I just go, “Hey, that’s life” and keep on groovin’ along. Then I go and get another ice cream cone.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. And yet don’t you find that melted swirl of ice cream….quite artistic in it’s melting? Whether you’re a bowl of perfectly sculpted scoops of ice cream, or dazzling colors of it running down the sidewalk….you are.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. I think we always try and put our best foot forward, and that’s what we share with the world. I recently had a really tough meltdown that I am reticent to write about. Luckily there was someone with their hand out to help me up. It was a day, some moments, and I picked myself up and moved forward and continued to fight the good fight. We all fall, and I think most of us struggle with the crap that life throws at us. Today I am winning also, but there certainly are days when it doesn’t seem so. Stories is a great place to share. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you, Dani. You’re right about so many things, as usual. Today, while I healed from yesterday over pie, I thought of you. You’ll be getting a surprise in the mail telling you all about it.

      I’m glad you pick yourself up and keep on fighting… and I hope you always see my helping hand in the corner of your vision. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sometimes I’m on the cone, perfectly scooped and balanced. Other days, I’m the splattered mess that leaves behind sticky residue for days. Today was sad day for me, another sticky mess. So I needed this. Thank you (as always) for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Today I got stressed out at work, and a coworker asked me how I was doing. I replied, “I’m melting,” which didn’t make sense to him but I felt like a puddle of melted chocolate that was utterly useless and entirely unappetizing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Um, chocolate is never unappetizing and neither are you. If I were a zombie, I’d eat your brain first, and I’m not just saying that. πŸ˜‰

      Well. We made it to now, and I think that means we deserve some animal crackers. Or a sticker badge! Or both…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Awww. ❀ if you were a zombie, I probably wouldn't let you eat my brain, because zombie. But I'd miss you.
        Speaking of stickers, I believe I have to make up for all the stickers I couldn't send while you were In, and now that you're Out you can see ALL the stickers! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Dearest Rara, perfectly sculpted scoops of ice cream are perfectly sculpted because they haven’t learnt to bend and go with the flow. I think ice cream is much nicer if it’s just a little less than frozen. It’s creamier, smoother and yummier. Sort of like when it’s served with a nice big slice of warm apple pie xx

    Liked by 2 people

  11. It isn’t a surprise to me that your vision board would feel blank right now. You just suffered a trauma…. or even a series of traumas….. that were so big there is no way they wouldn’t wipe out your vision, at least for now. But you give us the gift of you anyway. I couldn’t ask for more. I hope that can be enough for you until you find the floor is back under your feet.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Having people you can reach out to is the great accomplishment. Having people that are there to catch you and reach back is a greater accomplishment. Time does heal all wounds you just have to give time time.

    Like

  13. Ciao my lovely Rara. Melted or formed into pretty little scoops, the most important thing is that you have the colors. These colors, whether they may feel dull or sparkly, carry your stories and feelings, right? ^_^ I do have my “3 dot” moments. To be honest, I have them quite a lot lately. It’s funny that in those moments, where I’m blank or silent, I have the most of my thoughts.

    Hmm the stories I could aren’t ones for the web, I think. I could tell you a bit in my note to you, though. But I will sift through them and see if I can submit one. πŸ™‚

    *throws some sparkles and confetti in the air*

    Like

  14. ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

    I feel you on the routine, Rara. I've been living in Community now for nearly three and a half years. I always seem to wake up before 6am most days, although at least on days off I can usually go back to sleep.

    The body gets used to a routine and seems to like it. The mind doesn't always agree.

    Pain comes in waves, and we just have to ride out the storm.

    ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

    Like

  15. Thank you for being you…your generous self fills up umpteen canvases with your artistic realness…truly! I cannot even start to imagine your past and know that you are so loved and admired here…so there will be plenty reminding you to take it nice and easy. I remember being that perfect (I thought) sculpted scoops until I crashed…(insurance companies call it burnout)…I had to stop completely literally for months…I prefer calling it a pregnant pause until I finally birthed my true self, patched up, unperfect and real. Big hugs to you!

    Like

  16. Rara-LOVE, You’re stuck with all of us who simply adore the dino-pants off of you. We’re not going anywhere so “ellipse” or kvetch or stare at a blank vision board for as long as you need to, baby. We’re here and we aren’t leaving you, ever.

    There is nothing blank about you, your life, or your feelings, dear, sweet, amazing, Rara. It’s a process. It will take some time. But, aside from that, you have so got this shit, mama I mean it. I’m gonna keep telling you this until you look over at me one day with some dino-drool on your chin and a huge lopsided grin and say, “Lizzy, you were RIGHT!” That day is coming. No pressure. It will happen.

    Re: your kitty’s constipation. Cats are notorious for not drinking enough water, sweet love. You did not make kitty sick. They make choices like all of us. We just went through this for our big-cat, Gerta. Get some MiraLAX un-flavored powder and mix it into some wet food a couple of times per week; it works WONDERS! The person who mentioned pumpkin was right, too. But, my cats are uber finicky and sniffed that right out and promptly turned their tails up at it. 1/4 tsp. per treatment, a couple of days per week, fixed everything for my dehydrated felines; and, it doesn’t hurt them.

    Biggest hugs and kisses coming your way, sister. And, for good measure, here are some… πŸ˜‰

    Like

  17. you may not be perfect, but you are AWESOME.

    I don’t know what time you have to be up for work, but if you have the time…. when you wake at 6:15 take a nice deep breath, look around, snuggle your kitty, make some hot chocolate and snuggle back into bed – because you can, because you really are FREE. If you don’t have time for all that, still take a moment to love the things around you and appreciate the coziness of home. Of course I’m not trying to imply that you aren’t appreciative, it’s just a thought to help break the feelings associated with the behavior of waking at that time πŸ™‚

    I hope someday I can meet you in person, I’d like to take a walk with you and chat like old friends, and I’d like to give you a hug too. I think my butterfly would love your dinosaur. You inspire me Rara, every day.

    xo
    {A}

    Like

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