Some Secrets Shouldn’t Be Kept

The following submission is by A over at Sidereal Catalyst. Please read, and send buckets of love her way.

Forget Me Nots_Ft_image

____________________

It was the summer between seventh and eighth grade. I was your average hormonal boy-crazy teenage girl; clueless, cute and absolutely dying for an older boyfriend. Well, I got a little more than I could handle that summer, and my sister and I kept that secret for a lot longer than we should have.

The boy I liked was my sister’s age, which was two grades above mine, but he went to a different school than us. I met him at the skating rink through mutual friends, his name was Nick. He came over to my house one day and we were in the basement playing ping-pong. My mom called down to say she would be right back, she had to take my sister to her horse-back riding lesson. I couldn’t believe she was leaving me home alone with Nick, my dad wouldn’t be home from work for hours.

Somehow we ended up on the couch and he was kissing me. Kissing was ok, he wasn’t my first kiss. I didn’t get nervous until he started asking for more, but I told him I didn’t know how. He wanted to show me. I told him I didn’t think I wanted to. He knew I would like it. I told him no, I wasn’t comfortable doing that, I didn’t want to. He held my head down there and moved it the way he liked it. I cried.

The only person I told was my sister. She didn’t believe me. She took him to her homecoming dance as her date. Neither one of us mentioned my little secret for a very long time, years actually. The damage was done.

Some secrets shouldn’t be kept.

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31 thoughts on “Some Secrets Shouldn’t Be Kept

  1. I hate that this happened to you. I hate that you DIDN’T keep this a secret, and that the person with whom you entrusted your secret didn’t believe you. That’s the reason so many secrets ARE kept. I am glad you felt safe to share here, A. Wishing you peace.

    Liked by 4 people

    • When your own sister doesn’t believe you, it’s just too scary to keep telling. I failed to mention that he stalked and threatened me after the incident, he was good at keeping me scared. But it was a long time ago now, perhaps one day soon I’ll find a little bit of that peace you mentioned 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Some secrets definitely should not be kept. Thank you for sharing this… I know someone who needs to know that it is okay to speak up, to not keep their own secret, will read this and turn things around in their life.
    I’m sorry you experienced this. I’m sorry you kept your secret for so long. We are working on making this world better.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I can’t imagine the additional pain of not being believed by a family member on top of the assault itself. I am so sorry you had to deal with both of these and have had to deal with the damage done ever since then.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It has definitely had an impact on choices I’ve made in my life, self-image, self-respect, self-confidence… I guess everything concerning sense of self. Part of me feels like it was a big deal, and part of me says I should have gotten over it years ago. It’s very confusing. Thank you for the kind words.

      Liked by 2 people

    • When I first wrote it I nearly had a panic attack! I literally couldn’t believe I wrote about THAT. I was afraid a family member would somehow see it, they don’t understand my need to share so much with the world, especially if it concerns family business. I was worried I hadn’t written enough, but didn’t think I could stomach to write more. I’m still processing it I guess. I think it will be good for me in the long run, especially with the support I am receiving from all of you 🙂 Thanks for commenting…

      Liked by 5 people

      • Sweetheart, I’m sorry the act of sharing brought about some anxiety, but that’s only because you are making what they call in therapy “a breakthrough” – it means you are dealing with the pain of this in a healthy way.

        & All of us here, staff & community have your back. We commend you for being able & brave enough to share this.

        Thank you for joining our list of storyteller warriors. You are strong & beautiful, whether you realize it or not.

        & As Ra would say “You are loved”, yes most definitely, you are loved here.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I can’t say how much that means to me ☺️ Ra and I have gotten to know each other better lately and she blows my mind ✨ I’ve been searching for a community like this for a very long time, I hope I’ll be around for awhile. I’ve got plenty more to write about! Thank you so much for your kindness!

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’re very welcome. I’ve learned for myself that whatever I need to say, I am okay with saying. I am not ashamed of what someone else did to me. It is THEIR shame to carry. I say, and will say forever, that what someone did to me is NOT who or what I am. Good for you for saying it. If someone else has an issue with it, then it is just that, their issue. I’m glad for you, that you are processing. You deserve that.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Just read this after commenting below… but I feel ya sista. I had a a panic attack myself before talking about my own similar experiences and then a complete breakdown afterwards. It’s definitely a process, but you reached the first step of letting it out. Keep writing, keep telling your story. Eventually you won’t feel the sting every single time you talk about it. It’ll be a process, yes… but you can do it. I believe you.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I think people who commit rape and sexual assault should have to go to the wood shed with bubba and watch video replay of the assault(s) they committed while being ass raped themselves. Sorry, clearly you have touched a nerve. I’m so sorry you had to endure this and then the added insult to injury of not being believed. My heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. P.S. Some of us here went through similar situations, if you shuffle through our archives, or click on subject tags, you’ll find the stories.

    We apologize we didn’t post this up sooner, we’re just going through a bit of a redesign & more to STMND behind the scenes. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
    You are welcome back here any time.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. These kinds of secrets are kept all too often… and I know, I had an abusive relationship as a teen for a few years that included a lot of sexual stuff like that. I didn’t tell anyone for 16 years. Hugs to you.
    Also, if you are so inclined, a friend of mine just started a blog specifically for this kind of stuff and the line “She didn’t believe me.” makes me think your story would be perfect for “We Will Believe You.” … Check it out… https://wewillbelieveyou.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/welcome/

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I’m glad you share this secret. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to share. I have some of these secrets…this kind…but it has been so many years that I know I won’t tell. To do so would hurt too many people that would be upset.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We take anonymous submissions as well here, Corina if you ever change your mind for the future. Nothing like this should be kept in. I like to go by the old mantra “You’re only as sick as your secrets.”

      You know where to find us if you have a change of heart. As I told, A, you’re safe here. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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